As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more.
- Jules Renard

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I think I've lost my job. Well, not exactly - there's just no work at work, so I don't go into work, which means no money. I really don't know what will happen; if it will last or if it's just a little phase. But it's got me thinking about all kinds of things and I begin to question myself. Was I too slow? Did I screw up? Did he finally discover that I was hacking into the work accounting and wiring money out into my Swiss Bank account? And then I think, maybe I wasn't thankful enough, I didn't count this as a blessing from God. Which leads to, maybe this is a lesson God is trying to teach me. I don't know. I, I, I. Me, me, me. I may not know the answer, but I know God knows how this story ends. And maybe this is a lesson, not about me, but about God. Maybe He wants to show me that everything starts and ends with Him, and I don't acknowledge that enough. Yes, I do feel like sometimes I am just merely 'existing'. In grade 6 they made us fill out this sheet which asked us what our 5 year, 10 year and ultimate goal in life was. I had no idea. I, I, I. Me, me, me. I've read somewhere that to know yourself you need to start from the beginning, from the creator.

blah blah blah, I am rambling off again. I think just need to trust in Him and be patient. I might start looking for a part time job to get some cash flow happening.

This weekend I caught up with my school friends, both high school and uni. I think it was good for me to see that not everyone had a secure job at a prestigious financial organization that pays well. Not good in the sense that I could say that they aren't successful, but more for me to see that they were happy and doing fine. What is the measure of success?

I think maybe it is good that I am 'unemployed' and have free time to think. Maybe I need to spend some of it doing some soul searching and find out the purpose of my life.